Integrative Essay: The Creation, Fall, and Redemption of David Ryou

Born in St. Louis, Missouri in the year of 1991, I marked the new beginning of my two parents, recent immigrants from South Korea. My father, Joseph, still a seminary student at the time, decided to continue his studies at Holland, Michigan. So the new Ryou family moved to Michigan, where most of my early childhood became my fondest memories. Growing up like the typical “American child of the 90’s”, I experienced the golden “Pokémon Era”, along with memorable movies such as Toy Story and the Lion King. Looking back, I remember the past as a colorful world full of opportunities and creative ideas without boundaries. It was truly, indeed, the “Creation” stage of my life. Innocent, naïve, and new to the world, I simply enjoyed God’s creation and glory for what it was. Like the glory of God portrayed in C.S Lewis’ article “The Weight of Glory”, I saw the vast green fields as the battlefield; the sun as the light-tower; my parents as the King and Queen; my brother a jester; my sister a princess; the wind as a messenger; and myself a hero. This glory of God, shown literally and figuratively around me, seemed to fuse with my imaginative mind. I saw things for what they were; the very value of such things was something direct from God. Plantinga Jr. also describes the appreciative outlook I had toward Creation. “Creation is neither a necessity nor an accident,” were the very words of Plantinga Jr., praising the genuine love of God hidden in His creation. Though young I was, I strongly believe that the joy of my childhood was due to my genuine outlook of the love and beauty of God’s reflection. But sadly, one cannot remain young forever. Slowly, but gradually, all this changed when in 3rd grade, at the peak of my childhood, my father (now graduated from seminary) decided to start his first church in Los Angeles, California, thus marking the end of my “Creation”.

From the perspective of an 8 year old, California was—different. From the dry, more-than-warm climate to the overall diversity of people living there, it was a big change from the four seasoned, mostly-white based community in Michigan. The schools were different too. I was very intimidated by the differences in character among the kids in my new school. Because Pasadena was compromised of mostly ghetto neighborhoods, the schools were usually filled with many kids who were exposed to the harsh realities of gangs, sex, murder, and drugs. Despite my naivety, I was soon to discover the total depravity that was hidden deep inside my “glorious” days in Michigan. Thus my arrival upon the school marked the discovery of “the Fall” in my life. I did not understand why these kids preferred to talk about expensive shoes, baggy jeans, and violence rather than Pokémon cards. At an early age, I slowly became exposed to a world beyond simple playthings. As I became more and more integrated with this new culture of violence, sex, and depravity, the simple, open side of me soon faded away and was replaced by a more complex, cynical side.

And just like that a few years passed by—I graduated from elementary school and went on to a local ghetto middle school nearby. By this time I was already conscious of the many things that surrounded me, and the cynical side of me had evolved into something more complex and dangerous: pride. Despite C.S Lewis’ warning of “Bulverism”, I began to see the world around me as pathetic, self-absorbed, and ignorant through the cold, rash reality that I saw at the time. Little did I know that my self-developed worldview had sprouted from a small seed of sin. I was abstaining from the many physical sins that surrounded me, but the internal sins grew and grew within me, planting seeds of pride, ignorance, and hypocrisy in my heart. My major sin was not pride: it was my lack of perception of the very root of the matter. Plantinga once stated: “The human problem isn’t just ignorance; it’s also stubborn pride. It’s not just oppression; it’s also corruption.” Gradually, but surely, I became a “normal” human being in society – a lying, prideful, self-centered person. And just when I thought that I would dwell like this for the rest of my life, another God-given major event occurred that took my test of faith to the next level – the later stages of “the Fall”.

My father, free spirited, was becoming restless from dwelling in a hot, contained area for so long. He decided to start a new church—this time about 6,000 miles across the Pacific Ocean in South Korea. As a pre-teen, my perspective in life was limited within the boundaries of the United States; I had never even thought about what it was like to live in another country. This got me thinking about faith’s diversity on a wider scale. I began asking questions about where I fit in as an Asian-American in a society where its values and beliefs differed from the “American Dream”. I was at a stage in life where I, the clay, was slowly hardening into a certain figure. My “Bulveristic” attitude towards others and the deep sins of total depravity in my heart were slowly becoming concrete – making me the person C.S Lewis would have cringed at. This hardening of my heart at also affected my own attitude towards Christianity itself. Coming from a pastor’s family from a ghetto in California, I was like the son from C.S Lewis’ “The Sermon and the Lunch”. True to God’s word in public, but ignorant and blunt towards my family within the privacy of our home, I represented the true stereotype of “pastor’s kid”. I was reluctant to change such attitude even beyond the familiar comforts of America. And so, on a rainy July morning, I got on the plane with my family with doubts in my heart.

Upon arrival at the Incheon National Airport, I was overwhelmed with differences in the environment. The air seemed thicker, the primary language switched from English to Korean, and practically everyone was Asian. My parents were quite overjoyed upon returning to their homeland, while I was a bit nervous about interacting with one of these people, for I was a South Korean on the outside, yet on the inside I was an American. We went to our grandmother’s house in Gwacheon, where we dwelled for the time being. This instant change in environment had caught me off guard, but my ways and beliefs seemed to be set in place. Instead of viewing me as a foreigner, my uncles, aunts, and cousins all accepted me as one of their own, showing deep interest in my past life in America, which now seemed like a distant dream. From this encounter with my extended family I learned to accept the differences between the cultures and integrate them into my worldview. But about a few months later, my parents rented an apartment about an hour away from Gwacheon near Seoul. Because of our financial situation at the time, they couldn’t afford to send me to an international school, so they sent me to a public school praying to God that I would somehow learned how to read, speak, and write Korean from scratch. I had to admit, I was pretty angry at my parents at the time, but I realized my deepest fear once I walked in my classroom the first day of class. I remember the teacher asking me to introduce myself, and I simply mumbled a few sentences containing a few Korean and English words. I remember the kids in my class all looking at me with round eyes, as if wondering which planet I came from. To my utter surprise, the faculty and the students were eager to teach me about the way of life here in Korea. In return, I had to answer a million of their questions regarding what we ate (most of them sincerely thought that Americans ate nothing but McDonalds, but I was quick to fix their error), how big our houses were, what we wore, etc. This exchange of knowledge between the two cultures let me gain perspective on the mentality of Americans and Koreans. It truly was a mind boggling experience. Before I knew it, I was beginning to see signs of change in my inner self. Was it maturity coming into effect? I would never know. But what I do know was that the struggles of reality did not cease. My attitude might have improved slightly from the strict culture in Korea, but my faith continued to falter. I strongly believe that C.S Lewis best described this struggle in faith in his book “The Screwtape Letters”, which portrays two demons working together intrinsically to guide believers slowly away from the truth. My old seed of pride had now grown significantly, branching into my faith in Christianity, distorting perspectives which would have pleased Screwtape greatly. But at the same time I was growing and continuing to learn and become more like a human being through the extensive education provided in middle school. So once again time flew by—I completed all three years of middle school with my newfound friends and dear teachers.

Upon entering high school, I began to think seriously about my future career. I wanted to pursue certain areas in life where I would most please God through my services in society. As C.S Lewis stated in “English Syllabus”, we would begin to “learn” on certain fields once we had established a strong educational foundation. Although it was easy to picture such goals, it was truly hard to reach those goals; because when it came to serious education, Korea was off the charts. High school would begin 7:30 in the morning and end at 9:00 at night. All three meals were served at the school, and the teachers weren’t as understanding or compassionate as the middle school teachers I previously had. As if school wasn’t enough, almost everyone went to a night-academy after school to help them understand better the materials they were studying. I remember the buses waiting in front of the school to pick everyone up as soon as classes were finished. Everyone was literally studying all the time, because the rankings of their cumulative grade determined everything. EVERYTHING. This environment in which I grew up in greatly influenced my choices in the type of education I wanted to receive. After discussing this matter with my parents for many months, they decided to send me back to Michigan, hoping that I would manage to re-adjust to the American life after living in South Korea for almost 5 years.

Thus I re-entered American society as a high school student, strikingly different from the skinny, “Bulveristic” kid years ago. Although still in close combat with the internal sin of pride, ignorance, and hypocrisy in my heart, I had become more experienced through the major events God had thrown at me. Slowly, but not yet, I was approaching the post-Fall stage of my life, where I began to see again the little streams of God’s glory that I had been hidden dormant around me all these years since my early childhood. The “redemption” stage of my life was just around the corner. I could not see it, but I knew it was there. Was it faith? I would never know. All I know is that the physical, mental, and spiritual pain I had suffered in life was a constant reminder of a God described in C.S Lewis’ article “Human Pain” – a conqueror who would restlessly recruit members to his heavenly kingdom. I slowly came to a realization that God’s grace was at work in this work, repairing the spirits of those around me and the spirit of my own as well. Plantinga talks of a lifelong conversion called “sanctification”, which is fueled by the motor called “regeneration”. These two graces were and always will be at work in my life.

Blinking my eyes, I realize that I’m at my high school graduation. Blinking again, I see myself enrolling school as a Calvin student. Blinking once more, I see myself sitting in the lobby of my dorm, typing this essay. Although we have all fallen short of the glory of God, we are all the loving creation of God himself. There are things that are experienced, but there are things that still need to be experienced (ex: C.S Lewis’ “The Four Loves). I’ve only lived 19 years, but it seems like I’ve lived longer. Maybe it was the weight of my own sin, I would not know. As finite beings, the rest of this journey of morality cannot be undertaken alone. As C.S Lewis stated in “Man or Rabbit?”: “Morality is a mountain which we cannot climb by our own efforts; and if we could we should only perish in the ice and unbreathable air of the summit, lacking those wings with which the rest of the journey has to be accomplished. For it is from there that the real ascent begins. The ropes and axes are 'done away' and the rest is a matter of flying.”

Works Cited:
Lewis, C.S. "The Weight of Glory." Oxford. Nov. 1941. Address.
Lewis, C.S. Bulverism. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 271-77. Print.
Lewis, C.S. "The Sermon and the Lunch." (). Print.
Lewis, C.S. The Screwtape Letters. United Kingdom: n.p., 1942. Print.
Lewis, C.S. Our English Syllabus. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 81-93. Print.
Lewis, C.S. Man or Rabbit? N.p.: n.p., n.d. 109-13. Print.
Lewis, C.S. The Problem of Pain. N.p.: n.p., 1940. Print.
Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves:Eros. Ireland: Harvest Books, 1960. Print.
Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Engaging God's WorldW. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 2002. 19-101. Print.

The Wonder of Learning

There is always something beautiful about us. Whether it be small or big, it makes up the beauty of God's creation. When sitting inside my dorm room, I look around and see evidence of two people sharing the room harmoniously, making up the overall impression of the room. But how did two different people, each from states in the opposite corners of the U.S, come to integrate so intricately? Of course, it took substantial amounts of learning about one another, as well as setting rules that applied to both of us and took us accountable for it. This extensive, tiring amount of learning involved is an example that Paul Marshall takes about in his article "The Wonder of Learning".

So what constitutes learning? According to Marshall, it is hard work, perseverance, and integration. One prominent example of perseverance and hard work Marshall talks about from Isaiah 28:23-29.

When a farmer plows for planting, does he plow continually?
Does he keep on breaking up and harrowing the soil?
When he has leveled the surface,
does he not sow caraway and scatter cummin?
Does he not Plant wheat in its Place,
barley in its plot,
ønd spelt in its field?
His God instructs him
and teaches him the right waY.
Caraway is not threshed with a sledge,
nor is a cartwheel rolled over cummin;
Caraway is beaten out with a rod,
and cummin with a stick.
Grain must be ground to make bread;
so one does not go on threshingit forever'
Though he drives the wheels of his threshing cart over
it, his horses do not grind it.
AII this also comes from the Lord Almighty
wonderful in counsel and magnificent in wisdom.

Isaiah 28:23-29

Marshall exclaims that this passage presents to us the necessity for perseverance and hard work. God does not immediately tell the farmer how to plow. The farmer himself must look to his parents, neighbors, and even the earth to learn and develop new skills for farming more effectively. Like this, we must use the God-given tools around us to develop, learn, and connect more effectively. We cannot pray and expect God to suddenly implement knowledge into our brains. Looking around, there are endless possibilities of growing and learning - if you try, that is.

But what I found most important about this article was the implementation of such acquired knowledge. Marshall states that the Bible, the Word of God, does not teach us everything. In certain situations, we must use our knowledge from the Bible and implement it into those situations. And more importantly, there are rules in this world that God has created. Whether it is natural or societal, we must learn the rules FIRST in order to play by it properly. Take the Bible for example. I'm sure that there are rules given to us in the Bible that most Christian know of...(wink wink). Once those rules are integrated within us, we can really grow into the endless world of possibilities God has given us.

Day 13 - Human Pain

Sitting in class, I was struggling to keep awake. Heading bobbing up and down, my arm slipped from the table and hit the side of my own chair. Instantly, a searing pain from the bruised spot woke me up instantly, reminding me once again of the harsh reality of this world. Like from my own personal experience, C.S Lewis talks of many different sorts of pains that exist in this world. Why does pain even exist? Why would a caring, loving God of unlimited grace allow such a thing? In C.S Lewis' following article "Human Pain", he attempts to give a narrow concept of the significance of pain amongst humans.

But before attempting to answer the big question first, Lewis categorizes "pain" into the following two senses:

A. "A particular kind of sensation, probably conveyed by specialised nerve fibres, and recognisable by the patient as that kind of sensation whether he dislikes it or not."

B. "Any experience, whether physical or mental, which the patient dislikes."


Looking at the following two senses, it seems as if B was a greater form of A, although B cannot in a sense be A. So looking at B, C.S Lewis sees it as synonymous with 'suffering','anguish','tribulation','adversity',and even 'trouble'. Because of its relevancy, he states that the rest of the book would be focused on pain in a "B sense".

So when attempting to answer the big question, one might ask smaller questions to reach a certain understanding. "Why is our cure painful?" Is one important question C.S Lewis puts forth. As Christians, aren't we attempting to cure ourselves for the sake of God's glory and honor? The reason for such pain, C.S Lewis states, is that "to render back the will which we have so long claimed for our own, is in itself, wherever and however it is done, a grievous pain."

So we can see that our own selfish will, so integrated within us, is a self-made evil, reluctantly pulled out of us as we attempt to "cure" ourselves through Christ. The pain that comes with such "cure" is a blaring reminder from God of the evils of such pain, caused by the worldly sins. C.S Lewis exclaims:

"But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

C.S Lewis states that without pain, we are forever engulfed in this "illusion". Even with all the money in this world, we "suffer". Even with all the things we'd ever want, we would "suffer". Why? Because we are lacking the very center of our human existence: God. Quite obvious, isn't it? But surprisingly, amidst all the painful reminders, we perceive God as an "intruder" upon the worldly, materialistic things we enjoy doing. We prefer to be engulfed in such ignorance and illusion - to die blissfully in ignorance and suffer eternally. Pain our reminder of evil, whether it is in our actions, thoughts, or beliefs. C.S Lewis states that God is like a "conqueror" - he does not cease to recruit and save EVERY single person. God does not hold grudges or deep feelings of doubt towards others. As stated in the previous post, God's grace is eternal and imminent. Pain is a truly scary thing. It reminds us of something beautiful, heaven, but also of something dangerous: hell.
C.S Lewis states:

"And, of course, pain, like pleasure, can be so received: all that is given to a creature with free will must be two-edged, not by the nature of the giver or of the gift, but by the nature of the recipient."

Day 12 - Why Work?

Especially during the economic recession, everyone is willing to work for wages, high or low. Like during a war, people are in need of clothes, food, and other necessities that would usually be thrown away during "normal" times. We can see from this that our mentalities and mindsets revolve around the "outcome" of our jobs - wages. Because we are in hard times, our minds are temporarily switched from "consuming" mode to "conserving" mode. C.S Lewis states in "Why Work?":

"Do you realize how we have had to alter our whole scale of values, now that we are no longer being urged to consume but to conserve? We have been forced back to the social morals of our great-grandparents. When a piece of lingerie costs three precious coupons, we have to consider, not merely its glamour value, but how long it will wear. When fats are rationed, we must not throw away scraps, but jealously use to advantage what it cost so much time and trouble to breed and rear. When paper is scarce we must – or we should – think whether what we have to say is worth saying before writing or printing it. When our life depends on the land, we have to pay in short commons for destroying its fertility by neglect or overcropping. When a haul of herrings takes valuable manpower from the forces, and is gathered in at the peril of men’s lives by bomb and mine and machine gun, we read a new significance into those gloomy words which appear so often in the fishmonger’s shop: NO FISH TODAY….We have had to learn the bitter lesson that in all the world there are only two sources of real wealth: the fruit of the earth and the labor of men; and to estimate work not by the money it brings to the producer, but by the worth of the thing that is made."

As you can see, the last part of this excerpt was in bold format, because it carried the central argument of C.S Lewis' article. Our selfish minds have separated the church from our work, or vocations. But what connection does the church have with our daily work? C.S Lewis makes the connection in the following statement:

"If work is to find its right place in the world, it is the duty of the Church to see to it that the work serves God, and that the worker serves the work."

As workers in this world and of Christ, we cannot focus on the output of our work - we must value the work itself. C.S Lewis states:

"..work is not, primarily, a thing one does to live, but the thing one lives to do."

But C.S Lewis argues that today's churches fail to make such connection. C.S Lewis states:

"I am persuaded that the reason why the Churches are in so much difficulty about giving a lead in the economic sphere is because they are trying to fit a Christian standard of economic to a wholly false and pagan understanding of work."

I, myself, would agree. As stated in one of my previous posts, in today's churches (especially among mega-churches), it is a common cliche to publish a "Christian" book showing the "best, effective Christian way to do ______", or "10 Ways to Improve your Christian Life". We struggle too much on the outcomes that benefit US and not our WORK that is meant for GOD.

C.S Lewis gives us a choice. He states:

"The question that I will ask you to consider today is this: When the war is over, are we likely, and do we want, to keep this attitude to work and the results of work? Or are we preparing, and do we want, to go back to our old habits of thought?"

Day 12 - Vocation in the Kingdom of God

Our Father in heaven...
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

- Matthew 6:9-10

When we think of the term "vocation", we think of a particular occupation, business, or profession. But in the Christian realm, we think of it as a "calling from God". It might be hard for many of us to picture how our future jobs would help fulfill our callings and serve God. Most of us think that serving God through our designated jobs include charity, spreading the Word mouth to mouth, and helping others. This is all true, but what about our own relationship with God and the spiritual growth that follows? To me, simply using one's job to help others seems like a one-sided thing. The job has to be more than a means of helping others; it has to carry an intrinsic value given to us by God. Does our jobs and occupations on earth reflect our kingdom in heaven? Is God's calling only limited to jobs and occupation?

Plantinga has several answers provided in this chapter, which gives insight to what role our vocations play in other people's lives, including ours. Plantinga states:

"A Christian's main vocation is to become a prime citizen of the kingdom of God - and this is true of every Christian, of artists and engineers as well as ministers and evangelists."

It is true - our ultimate vocation is not in our jobs and occupations, but in the realm of God. This means two things. First, our heavenly vocations meshes together all the kingdoms of our friends, teachers, family, and loved ones to our own. This unity amongst all people signifies our common vocation here on earth. Second, the focus on our well-being and that of others should be beyond this earth: unity with Christ.

It's truly heart warming to be reminded that amongst this diverse, separated world, we of all people share a common place in heaven. In C.S Lewis' article, "the Inner Ring", we all are categorized into many different rings; but we all are fallen within an inner ring of "God's children".

But on earth, we all are in different stages of our lives. Some of us might be married; others might be students; others professors; and others may be working. As college students at Calvin, our current calling (for most of us at least), is to be students. In C.S Lewis' other article "Learning in Wartime", it is truly important to have some sort of education in one's lives, so that after that certain period he/she may further pursue the mysteries God has placed amongst. So as students, it is our calling to not only study hard, but to also connect with others, love others, and challenge ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually.

We do not know what the near future has on store for us. Chaplain Dale Cooper once stated: "God's other name is 'Surprise.'" As people of the heavenly realm, we must commit to our callings, and pursue those callings aggressively and diligently. Doubts and hesitations may come in our way, but that is just the first obstacle that lies in our journey to Christ.

Day 12 - Man or Rabbit?

10 Ways to Starting a Healthier, Better Life (New York Times #1 Bestseller). I'm sure most of you have come across books with as appealing titles as this (including the shiny 'New York Times Bestseller' words shining on the bottom). Christians or non-Christians alike want some sort of life that will maximize their happiness during their daily lives on earth while maintaining that "good" status. In other words, we all want to find some kind of common ground because of our uncertainty of the afterlife. In C.S Lewis' article "Man or Rabbit", he lays down a strict line between the non-Christians who make "honest errors" and those who make "dishonest errors". For example, people like Socrates sought many different aspects in life to search for the "ultimate good" in life. He died not knowing the good Word of Christ. C.S Lewis mentions about people like Socrates, stating:

"If their intentions were as good as I suppose them to have been (for of course I can't read their secret hearts) I hope and believe that the skill and mercy of God will remedy the evils which their ignorance, left to itself, would naturally produce both for them and for those whom they influenced."

But there are people who make "dishonest errors" - C.S Lewis exclaims:

"To such a main it might be enough to reply that he is really asking to be allowed to get on with being 'good' before he has done his best to discover what good means."

There are some good examples stated in the text that expands upon this idea. One good example follows:

"But to evade the Son of Man, to look the other way, to pretend you haven't noticed, to become suddenly absorbed in something on the other side of the street, to leave the receiver off the telephone because it might be He who was ringing up, to leave unopened certain letters in a strange handwriting because they might be from Him - this is a different matter."

For those who make this "dishonest error", it seems like the important point of missing from their minds. C.S Lewis states that "mere morality" the end of life. As Christians, there is simply so much more in life than living a good, moral life and then dying with a good conscience. He states: "But the Divine Life, which gives itself to us and which calls us to be gods, intends for us something in which morality will be swallowed up."

We cannot live a "good life" without Christ, C.S Lewis states. When hiking the steep, treacherous mountain of morality, we cannot do it on our own. Once our heavy ropes and axes are blown away by the cold wind, the rest is a matter of flying with our God-given wings.

Day 11 - Inner Ring

Looking back at high school, I remember looking at the soccer team with absolute envy in my heart. Because my school's soccer team was so prestigious, every member of the soccer team would be looked at with appreciation and treated fairly better than the other non-soccer players. I was jealous of their status as the school's "Overlords" and "Elite". I personally enjoyed playing soccer too, which added onto my desire to join the team. Unfortunately, because of my short legs and weak stamina, I was eliminated after the first rounds of tryouts. Pretending not to care, my heart yearned for a spot amongst the "inner circle", so that I, too, would feel better of myself as an "important" part of the Forest Hills Central high school.

Such burning desire to be fitted into an "inner ring" is what C.S Lewis talks about in his article "The Inner Ring". In the article, which seems to be directed to college students, C.S Lewis opens up a world of rings which are classified by other inner rings and those rings are founded in other inner rings and... you get the point. In this limitless world of rings, we all are classified under some sort of ring, but sometimes we yearn to be in the inner circle of other rings. Work, school, friends, sports... as college students we all fit into several of these rings. C.S Lewis points out that as we move on beyond college, when we come in contact with "whatever hospital, inn of court, diocese, school, or business...", we will find the Rings.

But it is the kind of inner rings we join and desires we feel that impact the evil that lurks among us. For example, I discovered near the end of my senior year that most kids on the soccer "circle" were involved in several kinds of drugs. I also realized that the envious desire I had felt in joining the soccer team had destroyed my inner perception of the intrinsic value of the very thing I was passionate about: soccer. Instead I was too preoccupied with my sense of belonging in a certain group.

C.S Lewis states clearly in the article that the existence of Inner Rings is certainly unavoidable. Nor are these Inner Rings evil. The question lies in the purpose of each Inner Ring. For example, the inner rings of gangs and family would certainly be different. Adding on to this, it is also important to check on the desires that come with wanting to join a certain circle. It is important to check yourselves, as college students, now and then to make certain that your intentions and desires are at the right place.