Day 10 - The Four Loves: Eros

In this world, C.S Lewis states, are the four loves: Storge(Affection), Phileo(Friendship), Eros (Love between the sexes), and Agape(Unconditional love).
Of the four, Eros seems to be the most misunderstood, as it seems to be closely associated with the act of sensual love, Venus. In today's society, we simply see Eros and Venus as a single thing: sex. But C.S Lewis wants to distinguish the animal-like nature of Venus from the divine element "Eros".

C.S Lewis describes Eros as an extremely fragile element - if one goes overboard in his/her sensual desire or focuses specifically on the very feeling of Eros itself, then Eros can be destroyed in a close bond between the sexes.

To clarify the role of sexual desire, C.S Lewis states that within Eros, sexual desire is simply a “mode of perception”. For example, our desires tells us what we need or want. Thirst tells us that we need water to sustain ourselves. Like thirst, our sexual desire gives us pleasure, but that is not the true role of sexual desire in Eros. When two lovers become united, they become connected in body and spirit. Sexual desire is aroused during such delicate process. The person of the opposite sex reaches out to the other, the beloved - the desirable one. C.S Lewis states that unlike Eros, Venus (the act of love), can be "mischievous, animal-like, more elf-like than Goddess-like." In mainstream-media today, Venus seems to be portrayed as the ultimate goal for pleasure-seekers. It misdirects one's focus on the beloved towards his/her own desire for the sensual pleasure.

This change of focus, C.S Lewis states, transforms such unity to a self-centered, shallow experience. Pleasure cannot be found in an individual - it comes about between the sexes. To give this distinction between Eros and Venus more clarity, let us look at an example that can be relatable to all of us.

In Nicholas Spark's book At First Sight, Jeremy Marsh, a man who has recently survived a harsh divorce, is engaged to a girl named Lexie, who he barely knows. Lexie is pregnant, which is the main reasons why they have agreed to marry.
From start, we are already judging Jeremy as an irresponsible prick who is finally paying for his lack of understanding of "true love". But when going further in the book, Jeremy comes to know Lexie better - but he has to first break through the large, thick wall of unfamiliarity that exists between them. Jeremy comes to learn more about Lexie, mostly through his own personal hardships in his previous failed marriage and the new hardships that occur between them. Surprisingly, the growing hardship brings them closer together rather than separate, and Jeremy and Lexie become a single, throbbing entity of love and spirit. Sadly, Lexie passes away during childbirth and Jeremy is left with a child to care for. But in the midst of this sadness, Jeremy finds a joy - a joy he found in Lexie, which is passed on to his child.

Unlike the natural progression of love we would expect, Jeremy and Lexie share an intimate pleasure in one another - physical at first, and then spiritual. Through the spiritual connection, we can see that eros has indeed been a major part of Jeremy and Lexie's rocky relationship. And we have also learned that eros does not always have to be between two lovers - it can passed down and continued between parent and child. This new form of love is also known as Storge (or "affection").

This deep, intimate connection between the loves shows that each love, including Eros, is a distinct, fragile entity that is not meant to be altered or morphed into something that serves the human pleasure only. It is meant to be set free, to be looked at from a "carefree, indifferent perspective", because this unconditional love for one another reflects God's flawless love for every one of us - it should not be spoiled, but enjoyed for what it is.