Integrative Essay: The Creation, Fall, and Redemption of David Ryou

Born in St. Louis, Missouri in the year of 1991, I marked the new beginning of my two parents, recent immigrants from South Korea. My father, Joseph, still a seminary student at the time, decided to continue his studies at Holland, Michigan. So the new Ryou family moved to Michigan, where most of my early childhood became my fondest memories. Growing up like the typical “American child of the 90’s”, I experienced the golden “Pokémon Era”, along with memorable movies such as Toy Story and the Lion King. Looking back, I remember the past as a colorful world full of opportunities and creative ideas without boundaries. It was truly, indeed, the “Creation” stage of my life. Innocent, naïve, and new to the world, I simply enjoyed God’s creation and glory for what it was. Like the glory of God portrayed in C.S Lewis’ article “The Weight of Glory”, I saw the vast green fields as the battlefield; the sun as the light-tower; my parents as the King and Queen; my brother a jester; my sister a princess; the wind as a messenger; and myself a hero. This glory of God, shown literally and figuratively around me, seemed to fuse with my imaginative mind. I saw things for what they were; the very value of such things was something direct from God. Plantinga Jr. also describes the appreciative outlook I had toward Creation. “Creation is neither a necessity nor an accident,” were the very words of Plantinga Jr., praising the genuine love of God hidden in His creation. Though young I was, I strongly believe that the joy of my childhood was due to my genuine outlook of the love and beauty of God’s reflection. But sadly, one cannot remain young forever. Slowly, but gradually, all this changed when in 3rd grade, at the peak of my childhood, my father (now graduated from seminary) decided to start his first church in Los Angeles, California, thus marking the end of my “Creation”.

From the perspective of an 8 year old, California was—different. From the dry, more-than-warm climate to the overall diversity of people living there, it was a big change from the four seasoned, mostly-white based community in Michigan. The schools were different too. I was very intimidated by the differences in character among the kids in my new school. Because Pasadena was compromised of mostly ghetto neighborhoods, the schools were usually filled with many kids who were exposed to the harsh realities of gangs, sex, murder, and drugs. Despite my naivety, I was soon to discover the total depravity that was hidden deep inside my “glorious” days in Michigan. Thus my arrival upon the school marked the discovery of “the Fall” in my life. I did not understand why these kids preferred to talk about expensive shoes, baggy jeans, and violence rather than Pokémon cards. At an early age, I slowly became exposed to a world beyond simple playthings. As I became more and more integrated with this new culture of violence, sex, and depravity, the simple, open side of me soon faded away and was replaced by a more complex, cynical side.

And just like that a few years passed by—I graduated from elementary school and went on to a local ghetto middle school nearby. By this time I was already conscious of the many things that surrounded me, and the cynical side of me had evolved into something more complex and dangerous: pride. Despite C.S Lewis’ warning of “Bulverism”, I began to see the world around me as pathetic, self-absorbed, and ignorant through the cold, rash reality that I saw at the time. Little did I know that my self-developed worldview had sprouted from a small seed of sin. I was abstaining from the many physical sins that surrounded me, but the internal sins grew and grew within me, planting seeds of pride, ignorance, and hypocrisy in my heart. My major sin was not pride: it was my lack of perception of the very root of the matter. Plantinga once stated: “The human problem isn’t just ignorance; it’s also stubborn pride. It’s not just oppression; it’s also corruption.” Gradually, but surely, I became a “normal” human being in society – a lying, prideful, self-centered person. And just when I thought that I would dwell like this for the rest of my life, another God-given major event occurred that took my test of faith to the next level – the later stages of “the Fall”.

My father, free spirited, was becoming restless from dwelling in a hot, contained area for so long. He decided to start a new church—this time about 6,000 miles across the Pacific Ocean in South Korea. As a pre-teen, my perspective in life was limited within the boundaries of the United States; I had never even thought about what it was like to live in another country. This got me thinking about faith’s diversity on a wider scale. I began asking questions about where I fit in as an Asian-American in a society where its values and beliefs differed from the “American Dream”. I was at a stage in life where I, the clay, was slowly hardening into a certain figure. My “Bulveristic” attitude towards others and the deep sins of total depravity in my heart were slowly becoming concrete – making me the person C.S Lewis would have cringed at. This hardening of my heart at also affected my own attitude towards Christianity itself. Coming from a pastor’s family from a ghetto in California, I was like the son from C.S Lewis’ “The Sermon and the Lunch”. True to God’s word in public, but ignorant and blunt towards my family within the privacy of our home, I represented the true stereotype of “pastor’s kid”. I was reluctant to change such attitude even beyond the familiar comforts of America. And so, on a rainy July morning, I got on the plane with my family with doubts in my heart.

Upon arrival at the Incheon National Airport, I was overwhelmed with differences in the environment. The air seemed thicker, the primary language switched from English to Korean, and practically everyone was Asian. My parents were quite overjoyed upon returning to their homeland, while I was a bit nervous about interacting with one of these people, for I was a South Korean on the outside, yet on the inside I was an American. We went to our grandmother’s house in Gwacheon, where we dwelled for the time being. This instant change in environment had caught me off guard, but my ways and beliefs seemed to be set in place. Instead of viewing me as a foreigner, my uncles, aunts, and cousins all accepted me as one of their own, showing deep interest in my past life in America, which now seemed like a distant dream. From this encounter with my extended family I learned to accept the differences between the cultures and integrate them into my worldview. But about a few months later, my parents rented an apartment about an hour away from Gwacheon near Seoul. Because of our financial situation at the time, they couldn’t afford to send me to an international school, so they sent me to a public school praying to God that I would somehow learned how to read, speak, and write Korean from scratch. I had to admit, I was pretty angry at my parents at the time, but I realized my deepest fear once I walked in my classroom the first day of class. I remember the teacher asking me to introduce myself, and I simply mumbled a few sentences containing a few Korean and English words. I remember the kids in my class all looking at me with round eyes, as if wondering which planet I came from. To my utter surprise, the faculty and the students were eager to teach me about the way of life here in Korea. In return, I had to answer a million of their questions regarding what we ate (most of them sincerely thought that Americans ate nothing but McDonalds, but I was quick to fix their error), how big our houses were, what we wore, etc. This exchange of knowledge between the two cultures let me gain perspective on the mentality of Americans and Koreans. It truly was a mind boggling experience. Before I knew it, I was beginning to see signs of change in my inner self. Was it maturity coming into effect? I would never know. But what I do know was that the struggles of reality did not cease. My attitude might have improved slightly from the strict culture in Korea, but my faith continued to falter. I strongly believe that C.S Lewis best described this struggle in faith in his book “The Screwtape Letters”, which portrays two demons working together intrinsically to guide believers slowly away from the truth. My old seed of pride had now grown significantly, branching into my faith in Christianity, distorting perspectives which would have pleased Screwtape greatly. But at the same time I was growing and continuing to learn and become more like a human being through the extensive education provided in middle school. So once again time flew by—I completed all three years of middle school with my newfound friends and dear teachers.

Upon entering high school, I began to think seriously about my future career. I wanted to pursue certain areas in life where I would most please God through my services in society. As C.S Lewis stated in “English Syllabus”, we would begin to “learn” on certain fields once we had established a strong educational foundation. Although it was easy to picture such goals, it was truly hard to reach those goals; because when it came to serious education, Korea was off the charts. High school would begin 7:30 in the morning and end at 9:00 at night. All three meals were served at the school, and the teachers weren’t as understanding or compassionate as the middle school teachers I previously had. As if school wasn’t enough, almost everyone went to a night-academy after school to help them understand better the materials they were studying. I remember the buses waiting in front of the school to pick everyone up as soon as classes were finished. Everyone was literally studying all the time, because the rankings of their cumulative grade determined everything. EVERYTHING. This environment in which I grew up in greatly influenced my choices in the type of education I wanted to receive. After discussing this matter with my parents for many months, they decided to send me back to Michigan, hoping that I would manage to re-adjust to the American life after living in South Korea for almost 5 years.

Thus I re-entered American society as a high school student, strikingly different from the skinny, “Bulveristic” kid years ago. Although still in close combat with the internal sin of pride, ignorance, and hypocrisy in my heart, I had become more experienced through the major events God had thrown at me. Slowly, but not yet, I was approaching the post-Fall stage of my life, where I began to see again the little streams of God’s glory that I had been hidden dormant around me all these years since my early childhood. The “redemption” stage of my life was just around the corner. I could not see it, but I knew it was there. Was it faith? I would never know. All I know is that the physical, mental, and spiritual pain I had suffered in life was a constant reminder of a God described in C.S Lewis’ article “Human Pain” – a conqueror who would restlessly recruit members to his heavenly kingdom. I slowly came to a realization that God’s grace was at work in this work, repairing the spirits of those around me and the spirit of my own as well. Plantinga talks of a lifelong conversion called “sanctification”, which is fueled by the motor called “regeneration”. These two graces were and always will be at work in my life.

Blinking my eyes, I realize that I’m at my high school graduation. Blinking again, I see myself enrolling school as a Calvin student. Blinking once more, I see myself sitting in the lobby of my dorm, typing this essay. Although we have all fallen short of the glory of God, we are all the loving creation of God himself. There are things that are experienced, but there are things that still need to be experienced (ex: C.S Lewis’ “The Four Loves). I’ve only lived 19 years, but it seems like I’ve lived longer. Maybe it was the weight of my own sin, I would not know. As finite beings, the rest of this journey of morality cannot be undertaken alone. As C.S Lewis stated in “Man or Rabbit?”: “Morality is a mountain which we cannot climb by our own efforts; and if we could we should only perish in the ice and unbreathable air of the summit, lacking those wings with which the rest of the journey has to be accomplished. For it is from there that the real ascent begins. The ropes and axes are 'done away' and the rest is a matter of flying.”

Works Cited:
Lewis, C.S. "The Weight of Glory." Oxford. Nov. 1941. Address.
Lewis, C.S. Bulverism. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 271-77. Print.
Lewis, C.S. "The Sermon and the Lunch." (). Print.
Lewis, C.S. The Screwtape Letters. United Kingdom: n.p., 1942. Print.
Lewis, C.S. Our English Syllabus. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 81-93. Print.
Lewis, C.S. Man or Rabbit? N.p.: n.p., n.d. 109-13. Print.
Lewis, C.S. The Problem of Pain. N.p.: n.p., 1940. Print.
Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves:Eros. Ireland: Harvest Books, 1960. Print.
Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Engaging God's WorldW. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 2002. 19-101. Print.